Waiting

This entire past year or two has all been about waiting. First it was wait until I heard the truth from my husband as to what was going on. Then it was wait to see what medical evaluations would reveal. Then it was wait for second opinions and for retirement money to kick in. Then it was wait for paperwork for applying for our private disability to help out our bottom line and wait for the approval of the same. Then it was waiting for the government to approve my husband’s resume so he could even consider working again to help out.

Then there was the waiting for my husband to help our family. The waiting for him to respond to pleas, to pressure from elders and pastor, the waiting for him to step up as the supposed leader and protector/provider he was supposed to be, that never really arrived. Then it was waiting for him to respond to his family, to the court papers, to the constant requests to leave. Then it was waiting for him to follow through with what he said about leaving. The day it finally happened, the relief was palpable for the rest of us.

Then waiting for paperwork, for social work interviews, for divorce settlement hearings and then divorce court hearings. Now it is the waiting for paperwork, for judges to sign and for paperwork of starting a new life and all the will be required to get that process started.

It has been quite the task to not waste the waiting time. We have tried to be proactive with our lives in the meanwhile. We have been packing up items that need to leave the house, all while continuing life as usual with work, school and life. This new waiting for life to start in earnest as our new life is harder right now as we thought today would officially start the new beginning, but it turns out there is still waiting to do yet.

The kids and my planned “celebration” will have to wait until a judge finally makes it official. Even though our divorce is all done on paper, and all the court proceedings are done, we are not yet divorced. The waiting is long, real, uncomfortable and tedious. But God is still in the midst of all of it. He is providing, encouraging and sustaining in all of it. His faithfulness is unchanged. As a bride of Christ, I will always have the perfect husband in Him. In Him I can always trust, and on Him I can always depend. He will continue to strengthen me in the waiting and make sure I do not waste it as I grow, heal and change in ways I need to in order to better serve, love and represent Him.